You see, if a Dairy Queen franchise does offer the Crunch Cone, it usually can’t be found on the menu. You need to special order it, like you’re a celebrity. And the majority of Dairy Queens don’t even carry Crunch Coat any longer.

So, my mission is clear. To find the Dairy Queens across the Twin Cities metro area that carry the Crunch Cone. Calling and asking if they have the Crunch Cone is cheating. I will go there, ask, purchase, and take a picture with this magnificent and little known dessert.

If you have found a Dairy Queen that carries the Crunch Cone, feel free to take your own picture and add it to the Flickr group. I’ll spread the word.

Let’s get to work, people. Summer is winding down!

[Photo by Ben Spark]

It appears that you found this website by, creepily, searching for my name in Google. Please be aware that I have absolutely no interest in reconnecting with you.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I see no reason to waste your time or mine with idle chit chat. It would be a farce, and not the delightful English kind. You are no Colin Firth.

That is all.

Regards,
Aric McKeown

This information is brought to use by the Facebook Flyer sidebar. Facebook Flyer obviously means “urgent breaking news delivery system for urgent emergencies that are breaking in the news.”

With the help of Facebook, I will soon be able to find these “women.” I wonder what they are like. Do they enjoy sports and smelling bad? Will they have a chin-up contest with me? Do they have a penis, like I do?

This news is all very exciting. Let’s all hope that “women” aren’t hunted to near extinction for their velvety pelts. Again. I could really use someone, who isn’t a man, to arm wrestle and eat pickled herring with.

Intrigued by the “real” and “actual” claims of another Facebook application in a sea of useless Facebook applications, I clicked on the My Personality application link to find out who I was.

For those of your who are skeptical, let me put your mind at ease. You are but 20 questions away from unlocking the secrets of the inner you!

What does this “real” application say about my personality? By answering from “Very Inaccurate” to “Very Accurate” we can find out together!

Have a vivid imagination.

Does my imagination act clearly and vigorously? Sure, vut I’m no Walter Mitty. Let’s set that in at a “Moderately Accurate.”

Hold a grudge.

Some asshat stabbed me with a compass in middle school. But I don’t remember his name. Sounds like another “Moderately Accurate.”

Do not mind being the centre of attention.

The URL for the site you are reading is AricMcKeown.com. We’ll give myself a “Very Accurate.”

Do not like poetry.

Do they need the “do not” in there? Then again, who am I to judge this “actual” survey. I don’t love or hate poetry. This is “Neither Inaccurate nor Accurate.”

Complete tasks successfully.

I get out of bed every morning. If they were less vague, I might not be giving it a “Moderately Accurate.”

Believe that others have good intentions.

No one cut me off in traffic this morning, but that doesn’t mean they were wishing me well. “Moderately Inaccurate.”

Avoid philosophical discussions.

Like cracking open this survey? Come on now. That is “Very Inaccurate.”

Need a push to get started.

Yes, with a but. “Moderately Accurate.”

Cut others to pieces.

Metaphorically, I would hope. Otherwise this survey took a disturbing turn. Anywho, not in front of their faces. “Moderately Inaccurate.”

Make friends easily.

I have enough friends, questionnaire. That is “Very Inaccurate.”

Feel comfortable with myself.

Am I answering 20 questions on a social network to find out more about myself? You should be able to answer “Very Inaccurate” for me, “real” application.

Often feel blue.

See above jab at these questions. “Moderately Accurate.”

Am easy to satisfy.

Your survey leaves much to be desired, and thus, that is “Moderately Inaccurate.”

Keep in the background.

Do I mind being the center of attention? I also feel my “cut others to pieces” answer slipping away.

Am always prepared.

I was a Boy Scout. But that was only so I could learn and forget how to tie knots. “Neither Inaccurate nor Accurate.”

Enjoy wild flights of fantasy.

Has anyone ever asked this question of anyone else ever? “Say, Bob, I was wondering if you ever enjoyed wild flights of fantasy. Whoops, there is a fax coming through. Hold that thought.” You got yourself a “Very Inaccurate” answer there. And you are stupid.

Get stressed out easily.

I am complaining about a survey on a social network. “Very Accurate.”

Avoid contact with others.

Oddly enough, “Very Accurate.” Don’t email me about this question, or anything at all. Ever.

Am not easily bothered by things.

Please refer to “Get stressed out easily.”

Shirk my duties.

This survey is being answered at work. “Very Accurate.”

The results are in!

You have antisocial personality disorder. Please note that it is extremely unlikely that a personality disorder is actually present, this is just for fun!

So these “real” and “actual” questions were just for fun, and you weren’t ever planning on giving me a “real” and “actual” answer? Screw your face in half, My Personality Facebook application!