Listen, my back hurts. It has been hurting on and off for about a month, and I have been in constant pain for the last week. And I like to complain. It fills time in the mindless conversation we’re having. But your response to my complaining should not be to “see a chiropractor.”
Are you trying to be useless? You seem to be missing a step. How about I “see a trained professional who graduated from medical school” first? That’s what you should suggest, if you cared about my well being.
Chiropractor’s should be filed in the same category of prescription drugs. If your doctor refers you to one, great. They do server a purpose in specific cases. So, really, if you tell me to “see a chiropractor”, you might as well be telling me to “take some penicillin.” Take some penicillin? Are you serious? Stop being stupid. Penicillin? For my back?
So I’m going to a real doctor who understands things today. Not someone who thinks they can fix my liver by adjusting my spine. And, no, that isn’t a straw man argument. That’s what a lot of chiropractors believe that can do. It’s called vertebral subluxation.
Now let me get this straight. You’re not even telling me to take penicillin. You’re telling me to take a useless Fish Oil supplement to fix my back. Do you like seeing me in pain? Stop trying to be helpful.
Kinoki Detox Foot Pads were recently a topic on the Skeptics’ Guide to the Universe podcast. These foot pads claim to draw toxins out of your body through your feet. As you might have (or should have) guessed, it is utter nonsense. In fact, a quick trip to the product’s own clinical study page tells you everything you need. It simply says “coming soon.”
A few days after a good laugh at this ridiculous product, a good friend mentions interest in purchasing this 21st century snake oil. You see, he had just gotten a massage and was informed that his shoulders contain a lot of toxins. I have a sneaking suspicion that the massage giver wasn’t taking toxin measurements or readings with scientific instruments. At any rate, a simple asking of “what toxins are being released” should stump the massage “therapist.”
I’m not saying massages aren’t great. They relax your muscles and they feel great! The just don’t release mystery toxins.
So some masseuse mentions toxins and suddenly the bogus foot pad industry gets a boost. I can’t have that. It was now my job to get these products off his shopping list.
Perhaps I should have gone the simpler route by showing that the foot pads were no good. But I started my explaining the massage trickery, which was confusing because massages are delightful.
Eventually, I got my point across with swearing, since I wasn’t close enough to smack him.
All in all, I did a very bad job of arguing my point. But, thankfully, these foot pads will not be purchased.
I think I was less grumpy when I knew less.
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