If Michael Phelps can win five gold medals in a row (as of this writing), then I can blog for three days in a row. Or, rather, write for three days in a row. I get kind of sad when I use “blog” as a verb. And there is already enough sadness on this pale blue dot of ours.
Yesterday, I used Twitter to make a terrible pun that is now my favorite thing in the world. In short, I claimed to be playing Gra Bass. Which, for dirty minds the world around, breaks down to grabass. From what I understand, grabass is like horseplay but more homoerotic. Yet, I qualified this “Gra Bass” declaration, claiming it was a Portuguese game. In Portuguese, “Gra” means “supreme.” So I wasn’t grasping a buttock with my hands at all! I was simply playing the exciting board game (or card game, perhaps) of Supreme Bass!
Puns are even lamer when you explain them. Guess I should have kept it simple and asked for when a door is not a door.
Listen, my back hurts. It has been hurting on and off for about a month, and I have been in constant pain for the last week. And I like to complain. It fills time in the mindless conversation we’re having. But your response to my complaining should not be to “see a chiropractor.”
Are you trying to be useless? You seem to be missing a step. How about I “see a trained professional who graduated from medical school” first? That’s what you should suggest, if you cared about my well being.
Chiropractor’s should be filed in the same category of prescription drugs. If your doctor refers you to one, great. They do server a purpose in specific cases. So, really, if you tell me to “see a chiropractor”, you might as well be telling me to “take some penicillin.” Take some penicillin? Are you serious? Stop being stupid. Penicillin? For my back?
So I’m going to a real doctor who understands things today. Not someone who thinks they can fix my liver by adjusting my spine. And, no, that isn’t a straw man argument. That’s what a lot of chiropractors believe that can do. It’s called vertebral subluxation.
Now let me get this straight. You’re not even telling me to take penicillin. You’re telling me to take a useless Fish Oil supplement to fix my back. Do you like seeing me in pain? Stop trying to be helpful.
There isn’t anything specific or pressing to blog about, but that hasn’t stopped millions of people before me! Let’s go!
- For a minimum of four hours yesterday, there was a small puddle of chocolate milk slowly making its way into the fibers of our office carpet. It was not my chocolate milk, and I don’t believe it belonged to anybody. If it did, that anybody would have had four hours to come by and retrieve it with a paper towel. Nobody could be lazy for four hours unless they were asleep. And this is a place of business.
- I saw two Fringe Festival shows this year. I meant to see zero.
- It is time for new gutters on my home. The previous owner decided they didn’t need all those brackets to hold up their gutters. And I guess they were right, because that dude is gone and now I am dealing with gutters that bow in the middle and spill water right over the doorway. Jackass.
- After seeing more than one Fringe show, I decided that I missed doing theater. In fact, I might even miss it enough to do something about it. I know! A catalyst! Those are great!
- There was a rare red squirrel in my backyard this morning. It was playing with a rabbit. I think these are the end times.
That’s enough.
The Minnesota weather was remarkably nice last night, and I had resolved to buckle down for doing some serious writing for Blank It. But my dreary basement didn’t seem like the place to type away on such a beautiful day! What was I to do?
Maybe I’d could take my wife’s laptop outside to write. But what about the internet connection for Google Documents access? And would the sun be too bright for the screen? Also, I don’t have any outlets on the outside of my house. Would the battery power last long enough?
And then I remembered about pens and paper.
Hey, mostly improvisers who read this blog! Did you know that an improv festival starts tomorrow? Oh, right. I suppose you did. I mean, how could you not. You will no doubt be there.
Hey, one person who isn’t an improviser who reads this blog on the rare occasions it updates. Yeah, you. Did you know there is an improv festival in the Twin Cities this Thursday through Saturday? You did not? Then let me enlighten you!
There is that thing I just said this week! It’s the Twin Cities Improv Festival and it features your local improv favorites along with improv groups from around the country! Really, any info you could possibly need can be found at the Twin Cities Improv Festival website.
Me? I’ll be performing with Neutrino Twin Cities at 12:30 AM Friday. Or technically, Saturday. It’s in that weird gray abyss between Friday and Saturday meant for drinking and cursing. I will also be performing with the Mustache Rangers at 8pm on Sunday, that weird gray abyss meant for drinking and cursing.
So there you have it, improvisers and not improviser! Buckets of improv coming your way. It would be a shame to miss it. Hopefully, you are not a shame monster who lives off of shame. That benefits neither of us.
Recent Comments