Archive for the 'At Work' Category

I Work At McDonald’s

Published at April 28, 2008 in At Work. 0 Comments

I don’t work at McDonald’s, but I plan on telling anyone I meet that I do. Quite frankly, I’m sick of explaining what eCommerce is. And I’m tired of laying out what an Email Operations Analyst does. This is not proper party conversation. I don’t want people to get whiplash while they look around the room for someone else to talk to.

Now, imagine this. A 28 year old tells you they work at McDonald’s. Oh, you think. As a manager. Nope, afraid not. I’m a floater. Oh, you say. You work the different stations around the McDonald’s? Sort of.

You see, I travel the country working at a different McDonald’s each week. It’s not a normal position, but I worked it out after I graduated from high school. Think of it as creating your own major in college. And my college is McDonald’s.

I travel from coast to coast, seeing what there is to see of America and meeting new and interesting people at every stop. In fact, this summer I plan to work my way down the Mississippi from Lake Itasca in Minnesota past the Mississippi Delta (which is actually an alluvial plain). Did you know that the McDonald’s in New Orleans sell a special secret Bouillabaisee?

Once I work up the savings, I’ll find my way over to Europe and serve golden fries to the old country. From Riga to Paris to whatever else is in Europe, I’ll be there to put a smile on their face.

Really, the ultimate goal is to make it onto the McDonald’s Olympic Champion Crew. To serve the athletes in the Olympic Village their favorite tasty McDonald’s treats. In a way, I’ll be winning my own gold metal right along with them.

I don’t work at McDonald’s. But, honestly, doesn’t it make for much better conversation?

[Photo by AdamL212]

The Office Smile

Published at August 6, 2007 in At Work. 1 Comment

The Work Smile

If you work in an office crammed with cubicles and drowning in white noise, then you are more than likely the recipient of an “office smile.”

If you do not spend 8 hours a day surrounded by muted colors and people who leave their loud cellphones on their desk when away at lunch, you can experience the sacred ritual that is the “office smile” by reading these tidy instructions.

Step 1. Get up from your desk and walk somewhere else. Do not worry, as your desk will still exist when you eventually return.
Step 2. Make eye contact with another employee who you have seen around the office before, but do not know.
Step 3. Quick, look away! Too much eye contact can lead to an awkward conversation.
Step 4. Okay, you’re closer now. Go ahead and establish eye contact once more. Five feet is a good distance to go by as an estimate.
Step 4. Smile at your coworker, but adjust your smile as such. Push the corners of your mouth as far apart as possible. Pretend they are two negatively charged ions and they can not wait to get far away from each other. Keeping your lips closed is also an option.
Step 5. Drop the “smile” as soon as you have passed your fellow cube farmer. Your obligation has been fulfilled.

If it easier for you to remember, you can think of this as the “work grimace.” You will look like you are in pain while doing this, as if you fear being hurt more.

Remember to go back to your desk when this is all complete. You will probably be tired out by pretending to be friendly to people you have no formal connection to. You’ve done a very good job.