Aric McKeown

I don’t have many drinking stories, and don’t drink very often, but embarrassment can be found in a shallow puddles and deep oceans alike. So here they are. Each item on the list can be preceded by “during an evening of drinking.”

• It became very important for me to tell my friend how much I appreciated his appreciation of the Dave Matthews band. I disliked said band, but spent a good 10 minutes telling him it was cool that he did like them. This was, of course, in college.
• After drinking X shots of Wild Turkey during a video game/drinking competition, in which I failed miserably, I spent the next 3+ hours on the bathroom floor (mixed with the occasional three foot change in altitude to cough up my soul) listening to the competition wind down. Once the other guests left, my host and I went through a quite a few episodes of Futurama while my stomach settled. I could only listen to them of course, due to my necessary toilet proximity. NOTE: Fighting games make horrible drinking games. The 2 minute rounds do not allow enough time for any alcohol to metabolize.
• I remember the beginning, and had to be filled in on the end. It began when I shared the dregs of a bottle of “Captain Morgan” with a friend. This was actually horrible bourbon with a post-it reading “Captain Morgan” pasted over the label. The next day, I was alarmed by the giant red welt that had appeared on my forehead. During breakfast, I asked my friends to fill me in on what I missed. It’s simple, really. One friend was going home for the evening, so I leapt at his feet to keep him from leaving. At this point, naturally, another friend sat on my back and commanded me to “gitty-up, fishy.” This led to me flopping around like a fish, slamming my forehead into the concrete floor a few times. Pretty obvious how it all happened, once you think about it.

I think the most embarrassing part is that my drinking stories aren’t very good.