Monthly Archive for December, 2008

And Now You’re Even Older

Published on December 22, 2008 in In General and Older. 0 Comments

To start off this message, my boots to shoes switch is everything I hoped it would be. My toes are toasty warm on the drive to work and my feet are comfortable in their brilliantly clean slip-on shoes when at work. It was pointed out, by a co-worker, that this was less of an eccentricity and more of an old man thing. They’re probably on to something there. And less than a week after they mentioned it, my mind grabbed on to another old man quirk.

I have been nearsighted since 5th grade. There’s nothing quite like giant glasses on a oversized middle school noggin sporting a giant cowlick. It was good times. At any rate, I’ve come to take a little pride in my eyewear. I spend the proportionate amount of money on something that will be displayed on my face 365 days a year. But, man, I rarely wear sunglasses. Dropping some cash on something like that seems like a waste.

Solution? Sunglasses that fit over my regular glasses. That’s right. Big honkin’ (honkin’? really?) old person sunglasses. Some $19.99 Blublockers. What do I care?

I’m going to wear these in my car. Not even a car. A minivan. It’s not like I’m picking up ladies or cruising the streets of Anoka with my football buddies. I work in a dank cube and sometimes the outside is just too bright. I don’t need to impress anyone here.

Solutions to problems come much more easily when you disregard what other people might think. There’s another thing. “Might.” What if people think these giant sunglasses look awesome? I mean, the odds are against it. But there’s a chance, right? I’m okay with any outcome. If I look like an idiot (99.9998% chance) or if I look super cool (0.1112% chance), I don’t care. I’m tired of squinting in to the sun. That thing is too bright. Maybe we could do something about that.

Pretending to Understand

Published on December 17, 2008 in In General. 0 Comments

In middle school, my English teacher mentioned Yosemite National Park for some unremembered reason. As a standard time wasting device, he proceeded to ask if anyone in the class had ever been to Yosemite. Being ignorant, I raised my hand. The teacher then attempted to connect with me through a shared experience. “Those rock climbers were really something, huh,” he asked.

Rock climbers? Let’s see, rock climbers. I remember geysers and sulfur pits. And there were boardwalks everywhere. A couple buffalo. There really weren’t any rocks to speak of. Oh crap!

“Uh huh,” I replied, hoping there would be no follow up questions. Obviously, I had been to Yellowstone and not Yosemite. A nod and a wish was easier than explaining my mistake to the whole class. I was already stupid for attracting any unnecessary attention in the first place. What was I thinking? Raising my hand. Pheh.

Luckily there was no follow up. But the teacher continued to talk about Yosemite. Would the other students call out my lie? Maybe, if I didn’t continue to act like I understood everything he was talking about.

A lifetime later, I’m much better at nodding. But it’s less out of ignorance and more out of not hearing what people say. What you’re saying is presumably unimportant, unless you’re shouting at me. Please don’t be offended by my nods of agreement. I try pretty hard to make them seem genuine.

The Audition: The Followup

Published on December 4, 2008 in In General. 0 Comments

There has been enough interest about my audition mind dump for a followup post. So here it is. Pretty good so far, yeah?

Rejection. As an actor you need to get used to it. Sometimes it’s about you. Sometimes it isn’t. Casting a play or commercial or film is a tricky thing. An actor can’t take rejection personally. When it happens, you pick up your pile of headshots and move on to the next opportunity.

That being said, my audition was rough. Really rough. This was my first theatrical audition in a long time, and my nerves were taking control of everything. All of my preparation went right out the window as I walked in to the audition room. There were two friendly people, sitting behind a table, ready to judge me. I forgot what that felt like. It was exciting.

My monologue starts out shaky, but I plow through. I forget my pacing, timing, emotional queues, and voice inflections. The piece is working on raw in-the-moment emotion. I use it to my advantage as much as I can and get some powerful stuff out about halfway through. At the end, I get a surprised little laugh from the directors as the dramatic tension is released. And it’s over.

I walk to my car (minivan, fine), turn on the radio, and can’t stop my voice from shaking as I try to sing along. My nerves are shot, and it feels pretty great. I blew the audition something awful, but I got out there and did it. It was pretty thrilling.

Hopefully the next audition goes more smoothly. Nerves shouldn’t be such an issue, and I should actually get out the good work I’ve been doing.

Obviously, I didn’t get a part. But I don’t really care. And I don’t not care in the numbed soul and cold heart sort of way. The actual process really made me feel good.

So here we are. A botched audition, and I still feel pretty great. And, honestly, I couldn’t have moved my work hours around to accommodate the production. So I was a bit relieved too. What is that? A lose-win-win situation? I can deal with that. On to the next audition, whatever that may be.

Too Excited

Published on December 3, 2008 in In General. 3 Comments

Recently, I have made some unconscious steps towards eccentricity. Actually, the steps taken were quite logical and their eccentric leanings may be a matter of my own opinion. But let’s go ahead and bring you the facts.

It occurred to me, as I arrived at work on Monday, that my Converse were doing a piss poor job of keeping my toes warm. In fact, I dare say they were making my toes colder. This was an unacceptable situation and a plan had to be made.

Soon after I got inside my safe office building, my worries melted away. That is, until my wife told me to check out the Old Navy website. They were having a pretty good “Cyber Monday” sale. This jogged something in my memory. No, not the shoes.

About 12 years ago, while shopping with my mother, I discovered the existence of flannel lined jeans. What’s that, you say? More than a thin layer of denim to protect you from the winter elements? It is too good to be true. And then, like my frozen toes criticisms, I promptly forgot about these magic pants. Until now.

Flannel lined jeans! I found them on the Old Navy website! This winter was going to be awesome. I hate the cold. But then I remember. My cold toes! Oh! Oh oh! A plan!

A few weeks back I procured (dictionary look up…and…correct) some warm boots for shoveling the sidewalk. For the last two years I have been using my wife’s too-small Sorels for winter waste clearing. So new boots were needed. But I don’t adventure into the wilderness too often. These boots will only become slightly used!

Oh, a plan! I wear my boots to work! Wearing canvas shoes outside in the winter is for suckers. This plan was pretty good. Hold on though. I don’t want to wear boots around work all day like a weirdo. I don’t want to be the boots guy.

My solution was waiting for me on the Old Navy website. No, not slippers. I don’t want to be the slipper guy either. Slip on shoes, dummy! It’s so simple! I wear my big old boots to work (tucking my flannel lined jeans into them to avoid the sopping wet winter pant leg) and then slip into some comfy shoes while I sit at my desk and retrieve coffee from the break room.

And I’m excited about this! I can’t stop telling people how excited I am about this. I overly excited. And while I’m not yet the lady who brings her milk to work in a Mason jar, I’m the guy who wears his boots to work and then changes footwear. I’m becoming Mister Rogers, and it feels like it’s only the first stop on the crazy train. What’s next?

I’m very excited.