Dear man at the Valvoline Oil Change in Crystal, MN,
I don’t know why I winked at you, but rest assured it was an involuntary muscle spasm. When you came up to my car and asked me if you had oil all over your face, I didn’t know what you were talking about or how to react. And that’s when my face decided to wink in a reactive manner.
It’s not that you were not an attractive fellow. I just enjoy boys as friends and not lovers. You may feel the same way, I do not know. Our uncomfortable small talk post-wink didn’t indicate your feelings one way or another.
Please do not track me down. I am not in love with you.
Best regards,
Aric McKeown
[Photo by Code Poet]
Dear Aric -
Why would you be this way? How can you toy with my heart? Don’t you know what “oil all over my face” means?
I have your address in the computer.
I will be on your lawn with my guitar tonight and every night until I win your heart.
Sincerely,
Man at Valvoline Oil Change
Dear Man at Valvoline Oil Change,
My lawn is only for friends. And nights are only for derelicts. I hope you understand that I can never be friends with a derelict, let alone a lover. Let this awkward communication be our last.
Best regards,
Aric McKeown
Dear Aric -
I’m the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you.
xoxo
MVOC
Did he upgrade you to the synthetic for free?
He didn’t. Probably because I didn’t put out.