- Old Kinderhook
- Little Magician
- Martin Van Ruin
- Red Fox of Kinderhook
- Blue Whiskey Van
Archive for August, 2007
Jiu-jitsu Unleashed
Star Wars, Episode I - The Phantom Menace (novelization)
How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found
Eating for Beauty: For Women & Men
HTML, XHTML, and CSS, Sixth Edition
The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life
Beowulf
1. The Facts of Life contained only one fact in its entire nine year run
Tootie, played my the hermaphroditic Kim Fields, spoke the titular line during the first episode. This line was aired only once. It was censored from future reruns. The controversial yet true line, in its entirety, is, “Boy, the space government sure did create a strain of super AIDs to destroy the Grand Canyon.”
2. Edward Hopper is better known by his pseudonym, The Zodiac Killer
On May 15th, 1967, American realist Edward Hopper faked his own death in order to start his second career as as serial killer. In his unknown and unappreciated painting entitled Nighthawks, Edward Hopper placed clues as to his transformation. There was no exit from his desire. Edward Hopper was never caught.
3. If someone says a movie was “powerful,” they did not enjoy their film viewing experience
If someone informs you that their cinematic experience was “powerful,” they are trying to make a fool of you. While not directly a lie, “powerful” can be misconstrued as a positive opinion. Let us take an example from wrestling. If someone says their opponent was “powerful,” you would not want to experience the power of this gladiator for yourself. Thusly, it is wise to avoid all things “powerful.”
4. Attached earlobes are gross
During exercise the male genitalia will become sweaty and odorous. After the cycle of exercise has been completed the sweat will often times dry, sticking the male testes to the nearest leg be it left or right. That is what attached earlobes are like.
5. Nobody really knows you
Let us say, for good measure, that you know 200 people. The estimated populated of Earth was recently estimated at 6,670,738,500. Taking into account the 200 people you know, 2.99816879 × 10-6 percent of the world’s population knows you. If you round that number off, you get 0 percent. Thus, nobody knows you.
Intrigued by the “real” and “actual” claims of another Facebook application in a sea of useless Facebook applications, I clicked on the My Personality application link to find out who I was.
For those of your who are skeptical, let me put your mind at ease. You are but 20 questions away from unlocking the secrets of the inner you!
What does this “real” application say about my personality? By answering from “Very Inaccurate” to “Very Accurate” we can find out together!
- Have a vivid imagination.
Does my imagination act clearly and vigorously? Sure, vut I’m no Walter Mitty. Let’s set that in at a “Moderately Accurate.”
- Hold a grudge.
Some asshat stabbed me with a compass in middle school. But I don’t remember his name. Sounds like another “Moderately Accurate.”
Continue reading ‘“Actual” Facebook Application for the Day’
- Dandy Porker
- Fantastically Unclean Foodstuffs
- Curse Ye Who Dare Use My Skin and Bones For Glue
- Hands Off the Pig or I’ll Lay My Eggs in Your Ear
- 79 Thunderbird For Sale
- Did You Know I Can Get Sunburned? We Have So Much in Common!
- Is That A New Haircut? No? Well, You Look Good.
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