As a child, the best part of flying was the tiny meals and snacks that were served in flight. Eating compartmentalized muffins and fruit while soaring above the Earth was a real treat. And stand-up comedians ruined everything.
You heard me right. The stand-up comedians are to blame for the disappearance of food service on airplanes. They are probably sitting around in their secret “clubs” with a “Mission Accomplished” banner hanging overhead.
For as long as can be remembered, stand-up comedians complained about the food provided on airplanes. It was a staple of their routines. The food was the keystone in the aqueducts through which humor flowed freely. Or so we were to believe.
Airplane food may seem much like the dodo of the comedy world, hunted to extinction. Truth be told, these denizens of smoky stages are much too smart for that. Their goal was always to destroy airline food by making the airlines sad and ashamed.
The proof of their intelligence is easy to see. Food of the sky is practically a thing of memory, and comedians continue to grow in number. If we are to assume the worst, they are probably mating and making more of their kind.
Stand-up comedians are the gypsies of the modern world, withering our metaphorical crops at will. Their caravans are dirty hotel rooms and their gnarled hands are observational jabs at the things we hold dear.
Fear the comedian, ladies and gentlemen. Do not cross them, and always offer them up their sacrifice of a two drink minimum.
I’ve had some good pico-de-gallo-covered chicken on a NWA flight and many horrible pasta salads, leaf salads and pieces of bruised fruit. What I like about NWA first class is every first class meal is served with a Dancing Deer brownie, which I always snarf down immediately – thus sending my body into a sugary frenzy that lasts the duration of the flight.